Moving On Up

Disclaimer: The content in this post is not necessarily Babywise approved. 

In this blog post, I will not be giving you tips on how to coax your newborn to sleep OR set up a practical routine for your growing infant OR survive on caffeine for the span of an entire year (or two or three). Not today - at least. As some of you have probably already figured out, I like to write about things that I'm currently facing with my children. Yes, I am that self-centered. But, really, it's for the best because my advice is better when it's given in real-time. As a fellow parent, you know how easy it is to "forget" the hardships once they've passed. That's probably why people have more than one child - we easily forget the sleepless nights, colic mania, and all day poop and puke fests. Okay, maybe we don't forget completely, but we downplay the exhaustion and chaos in our minds. And then we get this brilliant idea that we want another baby! The cycle just keeps going and going and going... Lucky for you, I'm here as a reminder. Raisin' babies is hard!

So, today my focus is centered on a sleep transition that all parents have to eventually make. (That is, unless you want your teenager sleeping at the foot of your bed.) And the topic is: Moving your baby from the crib to a toddler bed. I'll be honest: I really dread this point in life. Mainly, I don't like it because you never know how your child is going to react to the change. And, also, there isn't really a right answer. Every child is different and responds according to their comfort level. For this reason, I am writing - not exactly a "how to" - but more of a guide of possibilities that could work... or could completely fail. It is what it is. :)

At what age should my child move from the crib to a toddler bed?

For me, personally, I start THINKING about it sometime around 18 months. I know people that have made the transition closer to 1 and some closer to 3. Unto each his own. So, does giving that 2 year span help you out at all? Maybe.... but probably not. I don't think age is the important factor. People that get hung up on an age are setting themselves up for the likelihood of disappointment and failure. *Just like with anything else - namely, potty training and sleeping through the night.* Though it is good to have an idea of the age you should consider moving your baby up to a big boy or girl bed, don't push the issue if your child isn't ready. You'll both become unnecessarily frustrated and probably lose sleep. No one wants that.

How do I know that my child is ready to leave the crib?

The advice I was given over and over was: when your baby climbs out of the crib then he/she is ready. Yes and no. Yes: because I like to think of this as my starting point to test the waters. No: because that is a narrow-minded view point. All that climbing out of the crib tells me is that my child is physically capable of doing so. This, however, gives me no insight into the emotional/psychological status of my child. For the Babywise infant and toddler (especially), the crib signifies the need for sleep. As Babywise parents, we have fought hard to teach our children that the crib equals bedtime and naptime. Any disruption in that equation is, more than likely, going to be challenging for all parties involved. I wouldn't say that we have to re-teach our children to sleep, but we do have to reinforce the rules that parent instructed sleep-time is supreme. This is especially important now that you can't simply lay your baby down and walk away, knowing that he or she has no choice but to eventually fall asleep. Your child can now "escape," so to speak; therefore, your child has to be mentally and emotionally mature enough to accept the given parameters.

Back to my original point: every child is different. There isn't a right time versus a wrong time. But there is a ready time versus a so-not-ready time. So, ask me again: How do I know that MY child is ready to move on up? Test the waters! With my daughter, I did a very bad thing. The second she started climbing out of her crib, I converted the sucker into a toddler bed and forced the issue. My perfect Babywise daughter rebelled big time and, for the first time, since she was a newborn, we all lost a massive amount of sleep. (Do not recommend- under any circumstance.) To make a long story short: I think we converted her bed back and forth from a crib to a toddler bed about five times over the span of a year. A year! Finally, when she was around 2 1/2, she was ready to sleep in the big girl bed full time. At that point, we just skipped right on up to a queen size - she was certainly big enough. Gee whiz.

I didn't make that same mistake with my son. Granted, he has always been "mature" and independent for his age, so our results were better by default - sorry, Audrey, I love you! This is what I did with my son and this is what worked...

What are my options?

Micah, my 2 (almost 3 year old), is a cautious little guy. He attempted to climb out of his crib just after his first birthday, he fell flat on his back and refused to attempt the trick again. That was the ONLY time he ever escaped the crib on his own, and he slept in the crib until he was past the 2 year mark. Did I mention he was cautious? Anyway, I didn't have a good indicator with him because he wasn't climbing out of the crib, but he has always been a huge boy, so he was outgrowing his crib quickly. We made one conversion to the toddler bed - with no success - so I came up with a new game plan. I left the crib (as is) in his room but set up a toddler bed in the corner. Everyday for nap time (NOT nighttime), I would give him the option to sleep in the "big boy bed" or crib. At first, he always chose the crib - it was familiar and comforting. And that was okay with me, but I kept giving the option every day. One day, he very proudly chose the big boy bed, I praised him galore. A few minutes later, he walked downstairs and changed his mind. So, I put him in the crib. This happened a couple more times until finally he became acquainted with the toddler bed in his room and felt comfortable sleeping in it. I let him nap in it during the day and sleep in his crib at night - because that's what worked. Eventually, he wanted his big boy bed all the time and we took the crib out for good. He was also right around 2 1/2 when the change was finally made (just like Audrey), but the journey up to that point was much easier and - the best part- no one lost any sleep!

Options: 

Try out a simple conversion AKA "Audrey method" (at your own risk- it might work for you!)

Kid's choice AKA "Micah method" (if you have the space and means)

Now do you see why I put the disclaimer at the top of this post? For the first time ever, in writing about sleep in my blog, I am suggesting that child led sleeping could be the best option for this particular transition. Now, now, I'm not saying let your child decide when he or she takes naps or goes to bed - unless that works for your family - but I do think as your child grows older, it is important that they make some choices regarding their sleep comfortability. As long as this decision does not impede on your child's willingness to go to bed or stay in his or her room during nap time or at night, then I believe this option could benefit you and your child's sleep stability.

I hope this helps someone! Pray for us - our youngest son, Colton, has just entered the "escaping my crib" point in life, so we're about to embark on this lovely journey once more --- for the last time! :)

Happy Sleeping Y'all!

Lindsey

Natalie & Brooklyn's Story

Since Wednesday, October 15th was "Pregnancy and Infancy Loss Remembrance Day," I have come across many articles about suffering through such devastating tragedies. I know that a lot of women, like myself, have experienced this level of loss. There really aren't sufficient words to describe what losing a baby is like. Whether you had an early miscarriage at 5 weeks or a full-term stillbirth, the pain is excruciating. It feels like someone has ripped a portion of your heart out of your chest. A part of you, that was once alive and whole, died with your baby. You're never the same afterward and it forever changes your perspective about life, death, and everything in between. I know this well because in 2008 my life turned upside down. I lost my first babies at 28 weeks gestation. They were identical twin girls, delivered stillborn. Their names were Natalie Kate and Brooklyn Elizabeth. Even though they never took a breath on earth, they were very much alive. I listened to their heartbeats, I felt their little kicks, and I ate the house down - Honey Boo Boo style- because, let me tell you, those twins demanded a lot of food. :)

From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I was obsessed with becoming a mom. My daydreams were consumed with baby names, crib bedding, precious clothing for our new, little bundle. Well, weeks later I learned that my "baby" was actually "babies." Although I knew I was way out of my league carrying and raising twins, I was equally ecstatic about the idea of everything double. At my 20 week appointment, my excitement was turned up to a whole new level when the ultrasound technician looked at me and said, "You're having girls." My love for them was beyond any emotion I had ever experienced, and I wanted to hold them both right that second.

We knew early on that carrying twins included additional risks than a typical single pregnancy, one of those being premature delivery. With an identical pregnancy, there are other factors that must be considered and monitored, which meant I was even more high risk than a standard twin pregnancy. At the age of 22, I didn't think much about the risks involved though. My view of the world was cherries and rosebushes. Besides, every time I went to the doctor's office, everything looked perfectly fine.

I started feeling excessively lethargic around 25 weeks. I had never been pregnant before, so I didn't know what to expect concerning symptoms, signs of labor, etc. My main focus, really obsession, was to carry my babies as long as possible so that they could be born healthy, without much, if any, time in the NICU. The matter of "survival" never crossed my mind. I gave it zero thought. Once I hit the 24 week mark, I knew that my girls were viable, so it was just a matter of "baking" from that point forward.

I'll never forget THE day. It was a Sunday. The date was March 16, 2008. I woke up feeling terrible, worse than I ever had in my life. I didn't realize at the time that my body had been in labor the entire weekend. I pushed through the signs and kept moving. Although I wanted nothing more than to stay in bed all day, I got up and went to church. While I was there, a few things happened that made me realize I had to go to the hospital. My mom drove me, and we prayed the entire way. I was hurting too bad to even cry. I just wanted to 1. know my daughters were okay & 2. manage the pain. When I arrived at the hospital, I immediately went to Labor & Delivery. A nurse came in, searched for the heartbeats and left wordless. She came back with more nurses and they all did the same. The only thing I was told was that the doctor would be there soon. I ignored the panicked faces of my parents, my sisters, and friends that had followed us there. Even at that moment, I didn't know what message they were trying to communicate to me. The pain was too much and my mind was in a fog. Finally, the doctor made his way in, searched frantically for heartbeats, and then looked at me, shocked, before saying, "They're dead." I thought he was joking, and I asked him if he was. He replied, "I would never joke about that. I'm sorry. There are no heartbeats." That was the moment my life changed forever.

I could go into detail about the rest of the day. The long hours I spent, laboring, battling not only the physical pain, but the emotional heartbreak. People coming in and out, offering their comfort and condolences, and knowing that what was supposed to be the happiest day of my life just became the worst. I laid in bed after they were delivered. There were no newborn cries. The room was deafeningly silent, except my sobs. Finally, once it was over, I began to grieve. I cried the rest of the night, the next day, the next week, month, everyday for the next year. I still cry, almost 7 years later, when I think about that day.

The funeral was difficult, the days that followed were more difficult. I felt like everyone was looking at me to see how I would handle tragedy. I kept it together in front of people. Even my family didn't know how bad I was really hurting. I said the right things, quoted the pertinent Scriptures, and lead the perfect example of the grieving mother. Except - I was dying on the inside and no one knew. The desire to have a baby in my arms was so overpowering that I was desperate to get pregnant again. I told Zac just days after they were gone that I needed to try again as soon as possible. So, we did. I miscarried another baby 3 months after I lost them. I wasn't even 5 weeks yet, but the loss was significant. I've never felt more hopeless. People looked at me with pity in their eyes. I went to baby showers and the women became silent when I walked in the room. I had friends that discovered they were pregnant, but didn't want to tell me because they were afraid I would become upset. Babies would cry in public and I would want to cry. All I could think was, "I would have given anything for my babies to cry. Just once." I didn't want to feel that way anymore. I didn't want to be broken. Losing them was hard enough without having to deal with the aftermath of others' reactions. (I know everyone meant well. There is no easy way to handle things like this.)

My sunny day came in November 2008, though. I took a positive pregnancy test. I was so excited with the result that I barged in on Zac while he was using the bathroom and did a happy dance in the doorway. I laugh every time I think about what he said, "You're telling me while I'm on the pot? Are you kidding me?!" It was hilarious. I was overjoyed, and for the first time in a long time- hopeful. On March 16, 2009, on their 1st birthday, I went to Natalie and Brooklyn's graves and mourned their loss. The following day, I went to an early ultrasound appointment to find out that my precious baby was another girl. I knew that she was God's gift to me and Zac. She was our rainbow, our joy in the morning. She was born perfectly healthy and screaming her head off on August 1, 2009. (For the record, she has made her presence very well-known since the day she was born. That girl is one of a kind.)

Since Audrey, I have been blessed to add 2 boys to our family. Micah is 2 and Colton is 1. (He was our big surprise, in case you were wondering!) We have a beautiful, happy, chaotic family, and I appreciate every second that I spend with my babies. The road to here wasn't always easy. We had to endure loss before gaining the abundance of our family of five. Our joy now rests in that one day we will be reunited with Natalie and Brooklyn in heaven and make up for all the time we weren't granted on earth.

 *Thank you all for reading. I know that this was lengthy and descriptive, but I have never sat down and wrote everything out like this. I'll be honest - I cried a lot while I typed, but it has been therapeutic. My hope is that, in sharing, someone can relate or, even, be encouraged. I speak with a lot of moms that have dealt with miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss, and that is the one good thing that came out of their early departure. The ability to empathize with others has given me a wonderful testimony and ministry. Once again, I'm glad you read! Natalie and Brooklyn's story deserved to be told. They will always be remembered as our sweet, little angels.*


-Lindsey

You Might Be a TMI Mom If...

*This blog entry is dedicated to all of the proud, usually well-meaning, always TMI moms (like me) out there representin'.*

You Might Be a TMI Mom If...

1. You have discussed the condition of your cervix with "friends" or strangers.

"Update: The doctor says I have dilated 2 cm and am 50% effaced. I can practically feel the baby's head at this point!"

Ok. This sentence makes perfect sense to me and when I read Facebook statuses like this I think to myself, "Good for her. She's almost there. All she needs is a little castor oil and we could have a baby by the end of the day!" HOWEVER, to normal people, this tidbit is TMI. I mean, the word "effaced" is yucky and should never be used outside of a doctor's office or, better yet, let's not use it. Ever.

2. Your milk supply is your pride and joy.

"I just pumped 4 ounces! #liquidgold #happybaby"

Listen, 4 ounces a few days post-partum is something that you should be proud of --- you had to go through a lot to get that! I know ... trust me, I. KNOW. Should that be public knowledge though? Ehhh, your call.

3. You brag about your kid's potty-training exploits. 

Really, I just put this on here because I'm bitter that, at this rate, my 2 1/2 year old son might be wearing diapers in Kindergarten. 

4. You make a big deal when your baby sleeps more than 4 hours.

All the "we don't have kids yet" people laugh at us when we do this. They snicker and make jokes behind our backs and then, when the laughing subsides, they feel sorry for us. 

(FYI: This isn't really a TMI point. It's just my not-so-subtle way of calling you out for finding humor in my distress. How rude. ;)  )

5. You share your child's stats with the world.

"Billy is 6 months old, weighs 18.4 lbs, is 30 in. long, head circumference is blah, blah, blah.."

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but only moms get excited about their kids' head size. Sadly, no one else cares. This TMI means nothing to them, and when they make a nice comment in response, they're just being polite. (I really am sorry to break that news. Someone had to break it to me too. I was heartbroken.)

6. You post selfies of your post-baby weight loss.

Hey! You carry a human in your belly for 9 months that demands you eat brownies and drink Dr. Pepper every day and then see if you can fit in your regular jeans a month after you deliver! Any progress in this department deserves a flattering picture of us sucking in (to the point of not breathing) with words like "Wearing pre-baby clothes!" typed all cutesy across the pic. You go, girl. You go! 

7. You quote your child on social media & script the dialogue for all to see.

Kid: "Mommy, you're the best in the world!"
Mom: "Awww, honey ... I know, I know."

I do this all the time. It's TMI; I'm very aware. Now, ask me if I care.

(Answer: No. No, I don't.)

8. You announce all your kids accomplishments.

You're a good, proud parent. You are and don't let anyone tell you different. HOWEVER, sharing every test grade, boy scout honor, homerun, touchdown etc., etc. might be a little TMI for the masses... Most people don't really care all that much. They just think you're (we're) bragging. Obviously, we are, but maybe we should find a less obvious way to announce that our kid is the best/perfect... ? Thoughts & suggestions welcome!


*Thanks to all of my "friends" that inspired this blog. Your TMI ways keep me going and entertained. I just hope that I do the same for you :)  Much love & keep it up!*

-Lindsey

Angels & Crickets.

Around 7 p.m. a lot of things are happening in my home. I think of it as a mad dash race, a means to a (much needed) end, & the beginning point to an hour of insanity. Because when the clock strikes 8:00 in my house, that means only one thing: KIDS' BEDTIME. At 8:01, and not a minute later, I want to be sitting on my couch, staring at a wall in a comatose state for at least 10 minutes. Why? Because that is the only 10 minutes that I get out of my day that is filled with 2 precious things: peace and quiet. Can you hear the angels singing? The crickets chirping? The air conditioner cooling your home? It's glorious, just glorious.

But, let's not get ahead of ourselves. There's no cricket or air conditioner listening without a few important things. 1. Routine. 2. Preparation. 3. Adamance.

1. Routine.

We do the same thing (almost) every night. I realize that not everyone has that option, but I recommend maintaining the best routine that you are capable of enforcing. Kids thrive on routine. Although they fight it at times, there is no denying the impact that routine has in regards to your child feeling comfort and security. Of course, at times, we need our children to be flexible to changes. However, I prefer to make those gradual and incorporate them into the overall, day-to-day activities (if possible).

Here is a sample of how I manage my bedtime schedule for the kids:

7:00 - Baths. (A.K.A. I brush my hair for the 1st time all day & do dishes while Dad pours water over the heads of crying kids that just want to splash in bubbles & play with dinosaurs.)

7:20 - Lotion up, PJs on. (Cue terrible "Rock-a-bye baby" lullabies sang by Mom that, hopefully, prepare youngsters for Zzzzzzz's - It doesn't work, FYI, but I keep trying.)

7:30 - Mom & Audrey (5, Kindergartner!) hustle homework! Dad tackles boys. Dad lays Colton (1 yr old) down for bed with bottle. I know, I know. He's 14 months old and still takes a bottle at bedtime. Don't judge me; I'm human too. Micah (2 1/2) watches Detroit Tigers baseball with Dad. It's not the Braves, but marriage is about compromise. I get the Falcons, he gets the Tigers. Eh.

7:55 - Audrey cuddles in bed, says her prayers (my favorite time of day, even trumping my 10, comatose minutes), then lights out, doors closed. HALLELUJAH! Meanwhile, at 7:30, Dad starts a countdown with Micah. A few minutes before 8, he says "Night time, buddy." My kids know not to fight it; they won't win. Micah goes to bed.

8:00 - Kids in bed.

8:01 - Angels, crickets, air conditioner.

2. Preparation.

I like to think that I have mastered this hour by now, but sometimes my kids will get smart with new ideas. My gameplan is to squash their efforts before they begin. Case in point, Audrey is always hungry, thirsty, needs a cuddle, etc., etc. right at LIGHTS OUT time. So, while she is doing homework, I go downstairs and pour her some milk and grab a light snack. While she prays, I cuddle her up and smother her with kisses. The potty has already been used; she has no excuses. This could change any night now, but so far, so good. Micah drinks enough liquids per day to hydrate a small country, so he sips on his juice while watching TV with Dad and takes more to bed with him - we're still in diapers, so we don't have to worry about accidents for now. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Colton is golden. He's easy-peasy. I should probably note that sometimes he goes to bed as early as 6:30, so we just cut him out of the routine all together. That's my Babywise boy - making Mama proud!

3. Adamance.

Maybe you're reading this and thinking "Duh!" or "My routine is better than yours." Or MAYBE you're, like,  "How in the world do you get your kids to cooperate with you?!" If either of the first 2 are you, then you don't know need to keep reading. Thanks for staying with me this long! But, if you struggle with bedtime and reigning your children in to prepare for sleep, then maybe I can help. Do you want to know why I can help? Because I made all the major mistakes before and paid for it. Trial and error, my friend, trial and error. 

As the 3rd point infers, I believe that being authoritative and persistent are essential for a successful bedtime regimen. Any of my kids know that if they get out of bed for any other reason than true sickness, then I am going to march them right back up to their bed and lay them down. I don't care if they kick, scream, and wake up the whole house. When I say it's time for bed, then it's time for bed. I am ADAMANT about our routine. I made a post once about "Call me Drill Sergeant," and I wasn't kidding. I do this because I know that it is the best thing for my family, my kids' well-being, and the overall functionality of our household. Now that these actions have become a consistent, nightly routine, Audrey and Micah will tell me that they want to go to sleep and are ready for bed. They know! They love the predictability and are prepared for sleep.

Also, I feel that it is worth noting that I have taken "screen time" away from Audrey before bed (one of those trial & error things) because I am convinced that it impedes upon her ability to settle down and rest. She becomes too stimulated by TV, the iPad, or her tablet to handle technology at night. I have completely eliminated her exposure and have seen tremendous results. I would highly recommend for any of you that allow screen time and are experiencing trouble with your child's bedtime routine. He/she might fight it, but just replace that activity with something else enjoyable. We chose coloring!

SHOUT OUT!

I want to say thanks to all of you that read my blog, provide me with feedback, and so forth. I don't make a profit from writing, but it is something that I enjoy. Sometimes it's like a journal for me to keep. I know one day when Zac and I are empty-nesters, we will miss the daily grind of having little kids all around us. But - until then - it's survival of the fittest. Of course, I mean that in the least Darwinian way :)

Happy sleeping!

-Lindsey

The Never Napping Newborn.

Never Napping Newborn: a.k.a N3. That is the topic today. I'll be perfectly honest, I don't have tons of experience on this topic because my newborns were generally sleepy-heads (just the way I like 'em). However, many people bring home bright-eyed and bushy-tailed little lovies. That's all fine and dandy until said child cries for hours on end with no solution in sight. That, my friend, is no bueno.

So, you're probably asking yourself, "Why on earth are you writing a blog on a topic that you admittedly know very little about." The answer is quite simple: this is what I would do in this situation. This is the Babywise way. And, although, this issue hasn't historically been my own, I do have nieces, nephews, friends, friends of friends that have dealt with this extensively. When they ask me how to "cure" their baby, I simply give the Babywise response on how to handle a N3. 

First of all, the answer isn't always cut and dry, black or white. There are several reasons why your baby isn't sleeping. I don't think my sister will mind me sharing that she recently dealt with her daughter not napping. After becoming exasperated and helpless, she learned that her daughter was dealing with several different medical issues (none too serious or life-threatening). Regardless, her sweet angel didn't feel well, and she couldn't rest. If you have several children, you can probably tell when your baby is sick, but for a first time mom, this can sometimes be challenging. I have 3, and I still have trouble with this! Let me just say: if your newborn seems fussy most of the time and is not easily calmed, then talk to your doctor first and foremost. There might be an underlying problem that, if identified, can help your baby feel better and rest well.

Once this issue is cleared, and you know that your baby (most likely) is comfortable, then the focus should be solely on achieving solid naps. But, here is the million dollar question: HOW DO WE DO THIS? Cat napping is an epidemic, I tell ya. Not only that, but it is incredibly frustrating for the exhausted mom that just needs a break to complete housework, take a shower (for crying out loud), or gain some semblance of sanity. Are we asking for too much?! : )

So, here we go. Let's cure the N3. Step one: get rid of all temporary fixes. I'm talking about pacifiers, propped up bottles, excessive swinging, anything that you think "soothes" your baby into sleep. Newsflash: these are exactly what I just called them... TEMPORARY solutions to your overall problem. Using any of these are quick fixes and will ultimately ensure that your baby will not sleep solidly or consistently for naps or at bedtime.

Mark my words. I have done all of these things. Yes, yours truly has fallen prey to the lure of such enticing "fixes." Why? Because I was like you --- beyond tired. And what happened? It backfired. The paci falls out and baby cries. He/she now relies on the sucking motion to fall into sleep. So, either you have to sneak in there and put the paci back in, and hope that the process is seamless, listen to baby cry, or just pick your still-sleepy (and probably fussy) baby up and deal with the ramifications of another missed nap.

Realizing your ultimate goal is half the battle. In my experience, the best nappers are able to fall asleep on their own, with no additional assistance. As I have said before: saddle up because your baby is going to initially cry. This is inevitable. But when you know that your baby is full, feeling well, and sleepy, then lay him/her down in the crib, pack n play, whatever you choose to use. And, do this consistently, close to the same time every day. Your baby should be getting a morning, early afternoon, and evening nap on most days. These will space out as your baby grows and the nap times will lengthen, but in the first few months of life, your baby needs the foundation of a healthy nap regimen.

If you need specifics on what a day in the life of a Babywise tot consists of, then refer to my previous blogs where I outline a typical routine. I really hope this helps, and I hope that if you are struggling with this that you find success in eliminating sleep aids. I should note that this isn't easy to achieve. Following Babywise is not for the faint of heart. There is a lot of groundwork that has to be done in order to shape your child into an excellent napper and nighttime sleeper. As always, the work is worth the result. Everyone is happier in the long run; I truly believe that or I would not dedicate a blog to the cause.

Thanks for reading. If you have any questions that I did not cover, then let me know. I will try my best to help.


Happy Sleeping!

-Lindsey

Let's Get Real.

I know that my blog is titled "All Things Babywise," but I will warn you up front that this post is not entirely about sleeping babies. I want to write a blog to moms - new, old, expecting, those thinking about trying, and everyone in between. There are a million "articles" now, most cutesy, all opinionated, some semi-witty about various topics ranging from friendship to dating to parenting, and blah, blah, blah. So,basically, I'm jumping on the bandwagon. Go figure. For the sake of my efforts to be cool (it's not an easy feat), I will call this masterpiece "Let's Get Real."

1. What you see is not what you get.

WHAT YOU SEE: Last night I posted a picture of my son and nephew in an adorable pose. If you scrolled through your Newsfeed and saw it, you were probably thinking, "Awww! Sweet, little boys playing so well together." HA!

WHAT YOU GET: The photo was actually taken in our church nursery. My dad was speaking and giving his testimony. I think the boys lasted a whole minute in the sanctuary before my husband had to whisk them away to nursery. They did look super cute in matching shirts, so my husband wanted to take a picture. First of all, he coaxed Micah into putting his arm around Brody. He was basically choking him (you can't tell in the pic). Secondly, Micah didn't want to cooperate, and barely smiled for a split second. Zac, my husband, happened to capture that tiny moment that Micah managed a smile. He sent the pic to me, I photoshopped a little, and Woolah! Picture posted to Facebook.

Moral of the story: the picture was fake, misleading, not real life. The truth is that the boys fought, kept escaping the nursery, and destroyed everything in their paths. We went to Krystal afterward (barf me a river), and they were actually rolling around on the unsanitary ground like dogs with fleas. To those of you that do not have kids yet or are expecting: that's what life is really like. It's chaotic, it's funny, it's insanity most of the time. The smiling pics of kids that dominate social media are only a small part of the parenting experience. I just think you deserve to know the truth. : )

2. Fashion. What's does that mean again?

I remember before I had kids I washed my hair every day. I blow-dried in sections, used a straightener, and styled every piece. I even wore make-up, like not just concealer to cover the bags under my eyes. I carefully chose my clothing and actually cared what I looked like. Do you want to know what I looked like when I dropped my daughter off at school this morning in car rider line? Oh ok. I had on Zac's shirt, no undergarment (if you catch my drift), yesterday's makeup, and I can't remember if I had brushed my teeth at that point. If I had, then consider it a small miracle.

Forget what you see on TV, in the magazines, or anywhere online. When you have kids, you are not suddenly Victoria Beckham. You will not be strolling down the street in high heels and trendy sunglasses while your kids walk politely beside you dressed like baby models. No. If you attempt this, then you will regret it. Consider this me saving you from an afternoon of disappointment and, possibly, a mental meltdown.

Instead, invest in some Converse, yoga pants, and dry shampoo. Oh, and DO NOT forget the Iced Coffee with a double shot of espresso. You will be worthless without it. (You're welcome.)

3.  Girls' Night Out!

I was shopping with my mom and sisters over the weekend. We brought 3 out of 6 kids, which is actually a break. It would be a handful for most, sane people. But, as we were looking through the racks, I reminded my mom and sister about when we were younger and would go shopping all day, enjoy a dinner at the Cheesecake Factory, and then watch a movie if we felt like it. Whatever, no biggie. We could do what we wanted.

Although our lives are sweeter now with kids (I really mean that ... it's not a line!), they are not nearly as simple. We had to lug strollers around, wrestle children into said strollers, and beg Micah not to nap on the floor at Macy's while we checked out. By the time we finished shopping and loaded the kids in the car (in 100 degree weather, mind you), we felt like we had completed a marathon. I'm getting tired just writing about it. Zzzzz.

The days of shopping sprees and stress-free dinners may be past-time occurrences for now, but, as a mom, you take what you can get when it comes to "free" time. Who knew that a Target stroll could be so relaxing? I actually used to DESPISE grocery shopping, but now? My sister and I consider our Thursday night grocery shopping trips our night out on the town. We rack up our coupons, eat at Subway for less than $5, and drive as slow as the cars behind us will allow. It sounds sad to you now, I know, but just wait. You'll be like me one day. : )

ALL JOKES ASIDE:

Here's the reason I write blogs like this: I talk to a lot of moms that have a perception of parenthood that is completely in contrast with the reality of raising a child. Some of that has to do with inexperience, I understand. However, social media, as I have found, plays a large role in how we perceive mommyhood, babies, and even pregnancy. I, too, am influenced by what I see others post or others' experiences with their children. I find myself comparing my parenting, my relationships, and my life with how my "friends" portray theirs. 

The reality is that, when we get real, life isn't always full of lemons. New moms are shocked when their babies cry more than they sleep or eat (BEEN THERE!). The mom of a toddler is overwhelmed when the tantrums are uncontrollable and exhausting (I'M THERE!). The mom of a grade-school kid struggles with changes that her child is undergoing, both developmentally and in terms of attitude (I'M THERE TOO!). So, to you, the mom that is learning the ropes as you go: You are not alone. We all struggle, we wing it, but we'll make it ... Coffee-stained shirts, dirty hair, yesterday's make-up and all.

Happy sleeping & Happy living,

Lindsey

Sleep: you were once my friend.

Do you think that it's ironic that I have discussed the topic "Sleep Disruptions" in all of my most recent posts? Can you tell that I have a new baby in the house that likes to keep me up to speed in all of the sleep pattern/routine/blah blah blah that I preach? Also, can you see my eye twitching from where you're sitting/standing/resting? If not, look a little closer because my eye is totally going berserk. (Note: If you are *resting* and you do not hear a kid crying, then count your blessings right this second.)

Now that 20 questions is over ... let's get to the topic at hand. And, by at hand, I mean going down in the Pettee hizous at this moment (and the past 48 hours, in case you're into specifics).

Hey, new moms, in case you didn't know: WHEN YOUR BABY GETS SICK, YOU CAN TAKE YOUR BABYWISE BOOK AND THROW IT OUT THE WINDOW.

Pick your jaw up off the ground and stop looking so shocked. Okay? (((deep sigh))) Here we go. 

Yes, my blog is "All Things Babywise" and all that jazz. Yes, I follow Babywise only second to the Holy Bible. Yes, I believe that Babywise is a great foundation/platform/guide to teaching your baby to sleep through the night. (Has anyone else noticed that I'm really into using "/" in this blog post?) Yes, I'm going to cram these principles down your throat until you listen to me. 

Now, with all of that being said: there are some things that life throws your way in which you do not have a textbook answer. Lucky for you, I'm going to give my "Lindsey- because this is the story of her life" answer. No, these are not created equal, but you're reading my blog, so you must care what I think ... just a little bit? No? Okay, well, let's just pretend then.

This is what I have found in my (almost) 5 years of Mommyhood: every time your baby/kid gets sick they pick up new (mostly bad) habits. I'm going to be honest with you when I say that I usually allow this, because - well - when Baby's sick ... Baby gets what Baby wants. And, so far, every kid is different.

My daughter? She wants to watch TV in the middle of the night because it "makes her feel better." Yeah, okay.

My middle son? He wants Mommy to hold him beside his bed. I can't sit down, I really can't even move. I just have to hold all 30+ pounds of that gigantic toddler until he either falls asleep or decides that I can't put him down again.

My littlest baby? He cries and cries and cries until I pick him up, hold him tight, and rock him to Kingdom come.

These are doable, great, dandy, whatever you want to call it at the time because it allows your sick child to rest and, hopefully, not cry for that teensy weensy amount of time. And let me just shout from the rooftops that when my kid is sick and screaming, I will do almost ANYTHING to hear a little silence. Oh, stop with the judgey wudgey eyes already, you would do it too.

Let's get to the point: if you are a pacifist, like me, then there is a good chance that when your child recovers from whatever ailment he or she was plagued with, those new middle of the night habits will stick. And, oh man, you would think that I would have learned my lesson by now. Nope, I'm a sucker every time.

When your little tike grows up "Babywise," he/she is deprived of middle-of-the-night coddling for the most part. Of course, we think this is for every person's benefit at the end of the day. It sounds mean, but trust me, it is a GOOD, GOOD thing. So, when Junior doesn't feel well at 12 a.m., 3 a.m., or 5 a.m. and cries, which results in immediate attention, then your smart little kid is going to have a huge lightbulb go off in his or her pretty, little head. CRYING=ATTENTION ... Ahhh! Who knew?

But the ultimate purpose of this post is to tell you that ---- You can get back on track. Just, please, don't let the damage be too bad because you don't want to start from scratch again. Remember those first few weeks and months when you're desperately trying to sleep train? Yeah, those aren't fun. We don't want to go back; we want to stay at least within walking distance of the train track.

And, also, keep the sick habits to a minimum, if possible. Instead of letting my daughter watch TV, I could have just let her rest on the couch with me. Instead of holding my son by his bed ... yeah, I got nothing. Instead of rocking little baby incessantly, I could just hold him tight and let him feel comforted by that alone.

Caring for a sick child is just part of life, it comes with the territory. We're good moms, so we become our kid's slave during this time ... which isn't any different from any other day of the week, but you understand. I guess what I'm trying to say in a very round-about kind of way is that : Don't beat yourself up if you can't manage a sick child and Babywise. I can't either. As always, we do our best and we move on.

So, I want to make a public peace treaty .... Sleep: let's make friends. I really like you, and I think you really like me. I really, really hope we are reunited sooner rather than later. I'm glad we had that talk.

Thank you to everyone that just read that train wreck. I hope you got something out of it (other than the fact that I am certifiably crazy). Have a wonderful day and you know it....

Happy Sleeping!

-Lindsey

YOU CAN DO IT!

I'm letting you know now that this won't be my typical "how-to" blog. Instead, I want to give a few words of encouragement to all of you tired-beyond-belief moms (& dads). So, hear me loud and clear when I say : YOU CAN DO IT! (&, yes, I'm thinking "The Waterboy" too.)

YOU CAN set up a functional routine during the day that works for you and baby.
YOU CAN train your baby to be a happy napper.
YOU CAN teach your baby to sleep through the night.
YOU CAN really live again without wanting to fall over from exhaustion.
YOU CAN. I just know it.

I receive messages on a daily basis from weary moms that are desperate enough to ask me, the World's (self-proclaimed) OKest Mom, for sleep training advice. Every time I can almost feel the exhaustion exuding from the computer. I recognize this feeling because I know it well; I've experienced it many times in the last 4 1/2 years. I also know that there's nothing more sweet, rewarding, and completely draining in life than caring for a newborn 24 hours a day. Add a few more kiddos to that scenario and you would be an excellent addition to "The Walking Dead" cast. I get it; you know I do.

Recently, I had a Facebook conversation with a mom and she said something that I think hit the nail on the head. Her comment went something like, "I'm too exhausted during the day to even focus on a routine." And I know EXACTLY what she's talking about. She was one of those wonderful, prepared moms that read Babywise before her baby made his arrival. She knows what she should be doing, but she's too tired to care most days. Haven't we all been there? We realize that our babies shouldn't be falling asleep during feedings if we want to follow the routine. Yet, we inwardly smile when they do because that means that maybe we can catch a few shut-eyes as well. Our inner dialogue goes something like this - "We can do wake time, then nap time next time. Just this one time won't hurt." And that might be true, but it's usually not just one time; this happens over and over until falling asleep on you becomes baby's routine. See where I'm going with this?

So, this is where my mantra - YOU CAN DO IT! - comes in. Let those words overpower the (temporary) exhaustion. If you could see the big picture, which I do now because I have several children, you would know that pushing through those tired days will only benefit everyone in the long run. Personally, I would rather be really tired for a few days or weeks rather than a year (or 2). I can imagine it's like working out. This is a subject that I should be reading a blog about instead of discussing, but let's roll with it. The beginning is the hardest. 1. You have to find the motivation to begin. 2. You don't have the stamina you need right away 3. You're sore and tired afterward. However, if you stick with it and see results, then you'll begin to realize that you made the right choice. Let me reiterate, this is NOT my topic ; )  I'm still patting myself on the back for coming up with the analogy though.

I will close with this comment, because I think it's worth sharing. During the same conversation mentioned earlier, I said something to the effect of : "Babywise seems easy until your baby gets here." If you recall my first blog I had a section called "THE WORK." Remember that, for most, sleep training is challenging. You're going to have to work for it, cry over it, and beg God to make it happen already. Stick with it, though, and you'll see that all the blood, sweat, and tears are worth the outcome.

You got this. I believe in you. &, of course, of course, YOU CAN DO IT!

(Fingers crossed the next blog will be a lot less corny, until then ....)


Happy Sleeping, Y'all!

-Lindsey

Controversy and Misconceptions.

As some of you know, Babywise principles are considered controversial by numerous skeptics. My blog today centers on addressing the main concerns regarding our beloved BW, and offering a rebuttal to their arguments. Let me first say, that, at the end of the day, I don't care if you choose to follow Babywise or not. I'm not trying to be mean by saying that, but I, personally, have nothing to gain or lose by your sleep patterns. The purpose of my blog is to help those that are interested and/or actively following the routine. If you hate Babywise, think it's terrible, then find what works for you. I don't hate, I don't judge, this mom just wants to sleep. Read on if you're with me.

Concern 1: The Cry-It-Out (CIO) Method is cruel. I will not deny that it is difficult to lay my crying child in a crib and walk away until he falls asleep. It is hard, especially in the beginning, and especially with your first child. This goes against every instinct that you have to comfort your baby when in distress. I get it. Trust me! I get it! When my 4 year old was tiny, I would be in the next room crying my eyeballs out with her. With my almost 2 year old, I might have whimpered a bit when he bawled his eyes out. My 6 month old? I turned on the dishwasher, the dryer, blasted the TV, anything so that I didn't have to hear his wails. (BTW: I CHECK ON THEM EVERY 15-20 MINUTES.) Unlike what you're probably thinking right now, I'm not a heartless mother. I care deeply for my children. In fact, I care for them so much that I want them to develop healthy sleep patterns in infancy that they will carry with them for the rest of their life. Unfortunately, crying is almost always a necessary evil in order to achieve this goal. As some of you know based on experience, your child will, at some point, undergo bouts of crying when learning to sleep on his or her own. This might be in infancy, as a toddler, or older child, but it's going to happen. Sadly, if you wait too long, the damage is more difficult to recover from. I choose to set the sleep patterns from the beginning, so that my child learns to soothe his/herself from early on. I want going to sleep to be a pleasant occurrence (for everyone - holla!) If you think this is cruel, then I understand. Come talk to me when your 2 year old still has difficulty with naps, going to bed at night, and staying asleep. I will be your shoulder to cry on.

Concern 2: Babywise babies suffer from Failure to Thrive. I was actually told this in the hospital when I told the nurse that I preferred to use Babywise principles. I wanted to laugh at her and say, "Have you seen my children?!" All 3 of my kids fall into AT LEAST the 50% for height and weight. Their eating patterns are healthy and predictable. I do not starve nor stuff my kids with food. If Babywise babies suffer from this, then I doubt it's due to following Babywise. Either there is another issue or someone is not following the methods correctly. People that don't really read the book, but try to interpret it anyway, will say that we don't feed our children when they're hungry because it isn't "time" to eat. Let me tell you - that goes against the very nature of Babywise in every way. For one, our babies receive FULL feeding when they take bottles or breastfeed, so they stay full longer. Secondly, we can tell the signs of hunger because we are very aware of our babies' cues. If they're hungry, we feed them, with zero hesitation. When this happens, we adjust our routine accordingly. IF our babies were hungry, then they would wake up at night and demand to be fed. (You know how demanding babies are - shoot, mine are.) Most Babywise babies wake up in the morning, as well as during the day from naps, happy and rested, certainly not starving. The key principle of Babywise is, if your baby is hungry, feed it. If you fail to do this for the sake of a schedule, then you are not following Babywise, you are being neglectful and potentially causing harm to your baby. End of story.

At the end of the day, people say a lot of things. For instance:

• It isn't healthy that your baby sleeps for 12 hours at night and several hours during the day. Actually ... yes, it is. Read up on the March of Dimes recommended sleep for your little one if you don't believe me.  
• Demand feeding is best for your child. Not exactly and not always. Hear me out. What are you teaching your kid if every time he/she cries you put a bottle in its face or offer yourself for nourishment? You're training your child to rely on food to comfort all their woes. This could carry throughout life and is not a healthy habit to form. Also, if breastfeeding, be careful not to just let your baby "snack." If this happens often, then chances are your baby isn't receiving the satisfying "hind milk" that is received during full feedings.
• Your child should always sleep with you. If your child sleeps on or with you, then that's your prerogative. I have family that chooses this option. Honestly, I'm not going to touch the issue. All I'm going to say is that you're not a bad parent for putting your baby in a bassinet, crib, or pack-n-play. If you do sleep with your child, I'm sure you are careful that they are safe and not near objects that could easily tangle or suffocate. 

Here's the thing: people have opinions. Do what works best for you and your family, whether that is Babywise or not. In closing, I want to say that I'm not trying to judge anyone that does the things listed above. If I was to judge, then I would be no different than the Babywise haters, and I certainly don't want to be like that. (Y'all just don't know the things I hear people say...) I simply want to clear the air about controversies and misconceptions that are flippantly associated with Babywise. I also hope to offer a different outlook to ideas that we often accept without question. Sorry I wasn't as fun and light-hearted as usual. I'll get back on track next time. This topic was inevitable. I'm glad I got it over with : ) 

Write me with questions, concerns, anything at all.



Happy sleeping, peeps!

-Lindsey

 

Hey, Sleep! Where'd you go?!

You're probably asking yourself, "Hey, Lindsey! Where'd you go?!" I know, I know. I've been slacking with my blog lately, and, I apologize. Really, I do! I figure since the snow is coming down in heaps tonight, and there's nowhere to go, then I might as well write the first entry of a series that I've been meaning to address for sometime now: sleep disruptions.


1st up to bat... (Drumroll, please)... 

The 4 Month Sleep Regression.

Oh yes, folks, it's a real, living, breathing thing. And, let me just tell you, it's a monster. The worst part about this hurdle is that 1. It's basically inevitable (unless you have been blessed with a double portion from the Lord Almighty and He has chosen to exempt you from this atrocity). 2. It's sneaks up on you like a ninja.

Picture this: the first few weeks with a newborn are the most exhausting of your life. You didn't even know that you could be that tired. Really - you didn't even know that sleep was that big of deal before you had a kid. It was one of those things that you did, much like eating and walking, just an mundane event. Post baby? Oh yeah. It's a big deal. So, you walk around like a zombie for a month or so, and then - ALAS - Baby starts to get the hang of things, and you're snoozing for several consecutive hours. Jackpot. You feel like you are once again in the land of the living. This continues for a few months, and that pep in your step is back in full swing. Life is grand. Only .... one night it isn't. 

Yeah, there's that silly ninja I was talking about. Your baby that has been sleeping for extended periods of time, if not all night, is suddenly waking up every few hours, maybe even every hour. You think maybe he/she's hungry, so you try to feed. It doesn't work. You think maybe he/she's sick, so you try to diagnose. No symptoms other than wake-time and possibly crying. Like the good Babywise mom/dad that you are, you wait 15 minutes to see if baby will go back to sleep on his/her own. No such luck - Baby ain't havin' it. So, by the time that your alarm clock goes off the next morning, you've had close to zero sleep and an unmanageable baby on your hands.

Your thoughts, like mine, are probably Oh, Lord, please let this be a one night thing and not a new pattern. And, you know what? Maybe it was. But, normally, that's not the case. There is no definite time for which this relapse in routine continues. It could be days, weeks, possibly a month (fingers crossed that's not the case for you). 

Anytime I try to solve a problem with my kids, especially when it comes to routine/sleep disruptions, I try to look at the causes or changes that are occurring in their life that could be responsible for getting them all out of whack. By doing this, I can pinpoint the issue and help my child adjust accordingly. 

*** Let me throw out there that I am not a doctor (in case you couldn't tell by my writing skillz) and I am in no position to give medical advice. I'm just a mom of 3 that has some experience with sleep training, and my advice is simply on a "I had this problem and this is what helped me" basis. Take it or leave it .. but you should probably take it ; ) ***

So, possible reasons for 4 month monster:

1. Awareness. Despite the sleep challenges that this stage in baby's life bring, this is an exciting time for you and your baby. He/she is emerging from the newborn phase and is suddenly interested in all of his/her surroundings. At just weeks old, your baby probably didn't notice much difference from sleeping in the crib, bassinet, car seat, swing, etc. As he/she becomes older, this great big world becomes more interesting. There are many physical and psychological developments that your baby is undergoing during this time, and becoming more aware of the external world is one of those. Hence, when baby wakes up in the middle of the night for no apparent reason- it's probably because he/she wants to play. Trust me, I know firsthand that playing with a happy, smiling baby is adorable at 3 p.m., but as my sister says, "no baby's cute at 3 a.m." It's a true story. Let's keep it real. But to sum up this section: this isn't the end of the road for you. We can move past this and excel ... keep reading.

2. Growth spurt. My kiddos always take off at this time. One minute he/she's wearing 0-3 months clothes, and then the next busting the 6 months onesies at the seams. Needless to say, maybe Baby is hungry in the middle of the night at some point. For me, this is a great time to introduce rice cereal. Some people spoon feed rice cereal to their baby, but I like to put it directly into the bottles, especially the nighttime bottle. My husband and I call it the "Monster Bottle" that makes our baby fall into a happy, little mini-coma. Fuller baby=a baby that sleeps better. That's our goal - to ensure that our babies eat enough during the day to sustain them throughout the night. So, my suggestion would be rice cereal and maybe "supported sitter" solid foods are appropriate at this time. Ask your doctor if he/she thinks your baby is ready.

3. Teething. My favorite! ... not. Listen, teething is fun for no one. It hurts Baby and it frustrates you. They drool everywhere, gnaw on everything in sight, and you know it doesn't feel good to break teeth. This is a possible reason for sleep disruption at this stage in your baby's life. (Bad news is this doesn't go away for a while, but we deal with it and move on.) Some doctor's, like mine, suggest Tylenol if your baby seems incredibly fussy due to teething. I love Orajel too. It's not a long-term solution, but it does give your little one some relief. This could be a go-to in the middle of the night if you think that teething is the issue.

If you're in this situation and dealing with the 4 month monster, then my advice is simple and it is this: stay on track. Be consistent with the sleep routine that got you and Baby through to this point. Please be careful ... I repeat - PLEASE BE CAREFUL - to not create new, bad habits during this time that will be difficult to break down the road. You know the Christian song and Bible verse (Psalm 30:5) that says, "Though sorrow may last for the night, joy comes in the morning"? It's true in this case too. (Well, hopefully joy will come at night when you get to pass right on out for a solid 8 hrs, but I digress...) Endure the woes of this brief period, stick to the plan. Wait 15 min., go check on baby, assess issue, when all is seemingly well, lay back down for bed. If it worked before, then it will work again. Trust me, I have 3 different kids with 3 VERY different personalities, and this has worked for all.


I hope this helped someone. Thanks for taking the time to read. I appreciate the support. As always, let me know if you have questions, concerns, or just want to vent. I'm all ears!

 
Happy Sleeping!

-Lindsey