Concern 1: The Cry-It-Out (CIO) Method is cruel. I will not deny that it is difficult to lay my crying child in a crib and walk away until he falls asleep. It is hard, especially in the beginning, and especially with your first child. This goes against every instinct that you have to comfort your baby when in distress. I get it. Trust me! I get it! When my 4 year old was tiny, I would be in the next room crying my eyeballs out with her. With my almost 2 year old, I might have whimpered a bit when he bawled his eyes out. My 6 month old? I turned on the dishwasher, the dryer, blasted the TV, anything so that I didn't have to hear his wails. (BTW: I CHECK ON THEM EVERY 15-20 MINUTES.) Unlike what you're probably thinking right now, I'm not a heartless mother. I care deeply for my children. In fact, I care for them so much that I want them to develop healthy sleep patterns in infancy that they will carry with them for the rest of their life. Unfortunately, crying is almost always a necessary evil in order to achieve this goal. As some of you know based on experience, your child will, at some point, undergo bouts of crying when learning to sleep on his or her own. This might be in infancy, as a toddler, or older child, but it's going to happen. Sadly, if you wait too long, the damage is more difficult to recover from. I choose to set the sleep patterns from the beginning, so that my child learns to soothe his/herself from early on. I want going to sleep to be a pleasant occurrence (for everyone - holla!) If you think this is cruel, then I understand. Come talk to me when your 2 year old still has difficulty with naps, going to bed at night, and staying asleep. I will be your shoulder to cry on.
Concern 2: Babywise babies suffer from Failure to Thrive. I was actually told this in the hospital when I told the nurse that I preferred to use Babywise principles. I wanted to laugh at her and say, "Have you seen my children?!" All 3 of my kids fall into AT LEAST the 50% for height and weight. Their eating patterns are healthy and predictable. I do not starve nor stuff my kids with food. If Babywise babies suffer from this, then I doubt it's due to following Babywise. Either there is another issue or someone is not following the methods correctly. People that don't really read the book, but try to interpret it anyway, will say that we don't feed our children when they're hungry because it isn't "time" to eat. Let me tell you - that goes against the very nature of Babywise in every way. For one, our babies receive FULL feeding when they take bottles or breastfeed, so they stay full longer. Secondly, we can tell the signs of hunger because we are very aware of our babies' cues. If they're hungry, we feed them, with zero hesitation. When this happens, we adjust our routine accordingly. IF our babies were hungry, then they would wake up at night and demand to be fed. (You know how demanding babies are - shoot, mine are.) Most Babywise babies wake up in the morning, as well as during the day from naps, happy and rested, certainly not starving. The key principle of Babywise is, if your baby is hungry, feed it. If you fail to do this for the sake of a schedule, then you are not following Babywise, you are being neglectful and potentially causing harm to your baby. End of story.
At the end of the day, people say a lot of things. For instance:
- It isn't healthy that your baby sleeps for 12 hours at night and several hours during the day. Actually ... yes, it is. Read up on the March of Dimes recommended sleep for your little one if you don't believe me.
- Demand feeding is best for your child. Not exactly and not always. Hear me out. What are you teaching your kid if every time he/she cries you put a bottle in its face or offer yourself for nourishment? You're training your child to rely on food to comfort all their woes. This could carry throughout life and is not a healthy habit to form. Also, if breastfeeding, be careful not to just let your baby "snack." If this happens often, then chances are your baby isn't receiving the satisfying "hind milk" that is received during full feedings.
- Your child should always sleep with you. If your child sleeps on or with you, then that's your prerogative. I have family that chooses this option. Honestly, I'm not going to touch the issue. All I'm going to say is that you're not a bad parent for putting your baby in a bassinet, crib, or pack-n-play. If you do sleep with your child, I'm sure you are careful that they are safe and not near objects that could easily tangle or suffocate.
Here's the thing: people have opinions. Do what works best for you and your family, whether that is Babywise or not. In closing, I want to say that I'm not trying to judge anyone that does the things listed above. If I was to judge, then I would be no different than the Babywise haters, and I certainly don't want to be like that. (Y'all just don't know the things I hear people say...) I simply want to clear the air about controversies and misconceptions that are flippantly associated with Babywise. I also hope to offer a different outlook to ideas that we often accept without question. Sorry I wasn't as fun and light-hearted as usual. I'll get back on track next time. This topic was inevitable. I'm glad I got it over with : )
Write me with questions, concerns, anything at all.
Happy sleeping, peeps!
-Lindsey
